Married At First Sight Australia episode 13 recap: Couple debate sex success in ‘awkward’ reveal

“Me and Sierah were intimate last night,” Billy told us with a long face.

“We had sex. We haven’t had sex since the honeymoon and it just happened naturally. But this morning, I woke up, and there was a bit of an awkwardness.”

The banter is almost too painful to watch. There was something about coffee. There was something about not knowing what to wear for the ceremony.

We know damn well they’re not thinking about coffee or clothes.

“Well,” said Billy.

Cue horror violin music.

“Well, well, well,” said Sierah.

What on Earth is going on?

Billy looks like he’s just had his heart ripped out while Sierah looks at him like he gives her the ick. Does this have anything to do with Sierah’s flirting with Awhina’s groom the night before?

Then at the commitment ceremony, Sierah decided to play a game of “Tell Me The Sex Was Awful Without Telling Me The Sex Was Awful”.

“Last night was like a drunken fumble in my opinion,” Sierah blurted out to the group.

“It was quite slow, it was passionate. I felt connected to you,” Billy rebutted.

Sierah tried to soften the blow but wasn’t very convincing.

“Yeah, I enjoyed it and I felt close to Billy and I like having sex with Billy because it’s Billy.

“It didn’t feel very passionate or intimate to me, you know?” Yeesh.

The pair discuss how Sierah’s difficult past, which she has not discussed with Billy yet, may be getting in the way of emotional intimacy.

“It’s just a bit f***ed up and it’s hard for me to talk about,” Sierah said.

Then Sierah revealed she had opened up about her past with the same bloke she was seemingly flirting with the night before – Adrian.

“Sorry – WHAT?” said a confused Billy.

“You told him about your past? I don’t even know about your past.”

Sierah tries to find an excuse. “I literally have told you this.”

But a bewildered Billy keeps saying that he has “no idea” what she’s on about.

We go to Adrian who confirmed how the discussion of pasts. His wife Awhina looks apprehensive.

“Did you open up?” she asked of him after he refused to open up to her during one challenge.

Adrian answers too quickly and regrets it.

“Yeah – OHHH,” he said.

The pair ultimately wrote stay. Billy has yet to find out about his wife briefly engaging in footsies with the man she decided to open up to over him. Drama awaits.

But it’s not all about these three. Kiwi contestant Jacqui, who is persistently upset at her husband for not telling her she is the “most beautiful girl in the world”, and her husband Ryan are due for their just deserts from the experts.

Sexologist Cassandra asks Jacqui if Ryan should have been dishonest about the Hot or Not challenge where he ranked his wife third.

“I’m not asking Ryan to be dishonest, I’m just asking him to find a way to put me first,” said Jacqui.

Everyone looks like that Confused Math Lady meme.

“I don’t understand … How does that work?” asked Cassandra.

Jacqui sharply follows with an impressively convoluted reply.

“It’s not about me. I think about my children,” said Jacqui. “So, I don’t need the validation – I’m happy with how I look. But I don’t necessarily want to be in the energy of someone who doesn’t do that for my children one day. I’m gonna have to show up double time.

“I’m gonna have to be my own biggest cheerleader and a cheerleader for the people around me and the children around me and maybe compensate for the blunt honesty and explain that, ‘He doesn’t mean in that way, he does love you’. And that’s the solution I’ve got.”

Then Ryan starts sobbing over his non-existent son.

Expert John Aiken sighs. “Okay, I’m confused,” he said.

Us too, John, us too.

Varsha Anjali is a multimedia journalist at the Herald. Based in Auckland, she covers culture, travel and more.